Saturday, January 15, 2011

Benchmarking (Or How Batman Did Not Build Rome In A Day)

In Review:
• We've set out what the first set of Objectives are: Fitness and Weight Loss (there are more still to come)
• We've identified the Tactics were going to use: The Almighty Dollar (The same way you incentivize Nicaraguan terrorists)

Next, let's have a real discussion. Let's talk about Batman.

One of the greatest examples of a Super Hero because, let's face it, his life is anything but Super.

Let's review why it sucks to be Bruce Wayne:

  • Dead parents
  • PTSD and Depression from seeing murdered parents
  • Has a masochistic complex about fighting crime but not sadistic enough to kill any of his enemies. Not even the ones that deserve it.
  • Must hang out with assholes who do have real super powers (but who gives a shit if Aquaman can summon sharks if you're in Utah) to keep his job, otherwise he's considered a vigilante
  • Definitely has an awkward thing for women in vinyl, and is always being accused of having an awkward thing for Boys.

What Batman does have, however:

  • An understanding of what his resources are, and how to use them.
  • A positive attitude towards his goals in crime fighting.
  • Cash

What does this have to do with the Project: Super Dave?

It has to do with Batman's first karate lesson.

When Bruce Wayne, as a young man, decided that he was going to go into Crime Fighting, he understood that he would have to learn lethal force since he wouldn't use deadly weapons. He would need to learn to break an enemy's leg, or bust through a wall using only brute force.

Bruce knew that his goals could only be achieved through training, and by starting from nothing to achieve something extraordinary. If Batman was the goal, karate was his tool. Roundhouse kicks were the units which he measure his success with.

Batman's training started with a balled fist.
Mine starts with a treadmill.


Weight Loss
(Aka The Penguin)
Weight: 225 lbs.
Goal: 165 lbs.
% Change: -26%

(Aka Bane)
Total inches: 285"
Goal: 256.75"
% Change: -15%

(Aka Red Hood)
Jogging Range in 30 min: 3 miles
Goal: 5 miles
% Change: 40%

(Aka The Joker)
Jog Time: 35 min at 5.2 mph avg.
Goal: 2.25 hrs at 6 mph avg.
% Change: 300%

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Master Obi-Won Cannoli and his Donut Mind Tricks

Everything has what I would colloquially call "Brass Tacks."

The crux
The issue
The meat of it.
The raison d'ĂȘtre.

In my case, it really is... The Meat of It.

I've been the "he'll finish it" guy since before I can remember. It's always been that way. I think it comes from being from the kind of family where, at one point, a second helping was a welcome luxury... And then, over time, that family turning into one where leftovers never amounted to much more than excess and a lecture how I never liked to eat leftovers.It was my kind of chess game, except my opponent was new flavors, old favorites and... "I don't want anymore" of too many good things amongst too many of the people in my life.Ask most anyone what my favorite food is, and they'll probably ask back "Of What?" How about any kind of breakfast food? How about my favorite cut of steak? (Porterhouse. For one. A real man's challenge), how about deep dish pizza (Lou Malnati's is the best in Chicago, and I'm a local, and have been on the Pizza Walking Tour)?Or would you find out about my opinion on the King of Meats, the gift given to man from an ancient race smarter than us and with better taste, the animal consumable that can suckle a dying drifter back from the brink of death? The only Meat I would consider electing as our President purely on Tastiness. The Pork Lightening Bolt, with more flavor than Thor has power.

Ask me what my favorite food is, and I'll probably tell you Bacon.

And as far as Bacon is concerned, there's never too much of a good thing. Its an obsession. My personal Dark Passenger. The big difference is that my compulsion can be described with all those tasty Top Chef words for "saturated fat": pan-seared, deep fried, and cream filled

  • Monthly Weight Loss Goal: 7.5 lbs
  • Total Weight Loss Goal: 60 lbs
  • Daily Calorie Intake: 1,200
ON THE BLACK LIST (Once a month)
  • Domino's or Deep Dish
  • Chipotle or Taqueria
  • Fried Chicken
  • Take-out / Sit-down Chinese
  • Running
  • Boxing Gym
  • Weights
  • Nutritional Cleansing
Racing to the Gym? Or to Deep Dish? Shrouded, is the Truth, by the Dark Side.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Confessions of a Fallen Foodie - I'm an Addict

The Chicago dogs.
The fried chicken.
State Fair on a stick.
32. Yes, I counted. 32 pieces of All-You-Can-Eat Sushi.

My past year in eating. Because in any one day, I might ride the same bus with the same people, but no two burritos are the same. Because sometimes you're too busy to plan dinner or to tired after work to cook. Because you're celebrating an engagement or planning a wedding. And there are cake samples, or free champagne. Whether it was to be gastronomically adventurous, or to hang out with friends, or to keep it simple during the week.

And going into 2011, I've lost the Battle of 2010. And I've got some serious photos to be taken in approximately 9 months (for more information, please see
Second City Bride, my fiancées blog about this tomfoolery). So I'm kicking off a brand new plan to get my leg up in this war. A plan that will beat the enemy with the Fist of an Angry Norse God.

KMB and I have decided to use the one thing that piques my interest more than a smoked turkey leg: Clams.

Greenbacks. Moolah. Doubloons. Cash.

We're cutting our monthly shopping budget so that there're only one way I can buy the DLC for Fallout: New Vegas, or the book about the making of
The Empire Strikes Back, I have to earn it by shedding pounds and doing the right thing for my health.

• Each month, if I meet my weight goal, I earn myself $50 cash money, to use at my discretion.
• I earn $1 each time I go to the gym or have a protein shake
• I earn $5 each time I do a nutritional cleanse. $15 if I do two in a row.
• $6.5 for each pound I lose over my goal in any month
• I lose $20 if I decide to change the dinner plans
• Eating things that are bad for me is limited to 4 times a month, like Burritos. Sweet, sweet burritos.

Starting today, I'm already $1 closer to a fitter me and set of brand new, slimmer flannel shirts.